Relationship with man who is separated

He has no motivation to get divorced since he can live with you and enjoy your relationship while married. This man has lied to you. Just cross them out as prospects. There are plenty of other men to meet! Hello Ronnie, I am happy to have stumbled onto your website.

I have been seeing a married man since December We have known each other 3 years, but became romantically involved in Dec. I love him and he said he loves with me. We have mutual friends and they have confirmed his marriage is a loveless and the wife is cold, so I do believe him. He has financial issues and I know that his willingness to divorce is hinged on this. My issue is…I am not willing to wait for him. I am extremely frustrated and broke it off a few times recently, but this upset him and he wants me to wait and be patient.

I think I am over it, but obviously not over him and its killing my heart strings. I hope I can stick it out and move on. Hi Allison, Good for you for making this big decision! You are honoring yourself by moving on vs. He wants you and he wants everything else. I hope you stay strong and seek out a man who is free to love you and ready for a commitment.

I have been with my boyfriend for about 18 months now. He is separated, he does live with me but also stays in his home that his wife and kids live in on some days to see his kids. I know that him and his wife are not together. They made an agreement to divorce when the kids are 18 and in uni, they are 15 now. Im not sure whether I should wait. Sometimes I feel I can but then other times I feel annoyed at this. About the kids or financial things. They have family group chats with both of their sides of the families etc.

Hi S, How could you not feel left out? This man is living a double life — one with his family and another with you. This seems like a lot of ask of yourself — to put your life on hold for years.

How do you know he really will divorce? All the best, Melissa. I met a man through my work who is married. We were very physically attracted to eachother and had agreed to meet outside of work. What started out as physical quickly turned into more. We fell head over heels for eachother. I knew the strong possibility of him staying with his wife so I never pushed for him to leave her. I had heard around the office that he and his wife were on and off for years and have only been married for 2.

He has always been open and honest with me about his marriage…. And that there are significant differences in what he and his wife want, for example children. After 6 months of seeing eachother he decided on his own to move out. He is renting an apartment and wanted to focus on what he and I have. He is seeing a therapist about the situation and is open with me about his appointments.

He has told me that he is not in love with his wife but cares about her well being through this. And therefore is trying to let her down easy, he meets with her once a week to talk with her about their separation and issues that she has refused to address that have caused him to separate.

I love this man. And I believe he loves me. But I am scared that he still has ties to her…. I have considered backing off until he figures things out and fully separates from his wife….. Neither of us have ever been in this type of situation.

Is it wise to continue seeing eachother? Even with all of the open and honest communication? I realize it is still soon to get out, and unfortunately, feels a bit too soon to start badgering him with questions about him finalizing his divorce.

He has made it pretty clear that he is no longer in love with his wife, and that they have both agreed to seeing other people meanwhile they are separated. But I worry that they might rebound to each other… even after having broken up twice already. Hi, Thank you so much for reaching out. I hear you. I feel your concern; this is a challenging situation to be in.

In this situation, I think it is a good sign that he is proactively taking steps toward his intended outcome: ending his marriage. And it depends on what you really want and what you are willing to do. His life is undergoing a lot of transition right now, and so his time, resources, and emotional energy are going toward that.

And to try and have a normal relationship where your needs are met while that is going on is not a realistic expectation. It sounds like he is still in the very early stages of his separation and divorce. Have they filed yet? Is there a separation waiting period? If he is separated but has not filed for divorce yet, it may be some time before the filings happen and before the divorce is final.

You need to think about how long you are willing to wait. If you want long term relationship happiness, you need to be true to your vision, needs and requirements. Know that if you stay in this relationship while he is going through a separation, your vision for the kind of relationship that you really want will not be realized right now. Even with all the open and honest communication, some of your needs and requirements may not be met.

I wonder why he is not in a hurry to get divorced. I encourage you to get clear on your vision your dream for the kind of life and relationship that you really want , and get clear on your needs and requirements what you need in order to feel loved and your relationship dealbreakers.

If you want long-term relationship happiness, you have to be true to your vision, needs and requirements. There are also some things you can look out for like is he making progress toward his divorce or is he dragging his feet , and is he clear about what he wants and is he prioritizing his life in a way to attain it, and is he showing evidence that he will meet your needs and requirements? Another really important thing to consider and look into is is he over his ex?

And how long are you willing to wait for him to start making meaningful progress toward a divorce? For the first time in my life, I find myself dating a man that has been on seperation for about a year. We have been seeing each other for a month, and I am 5 years older than him, in my mids, never been married and never had kids. He has 2 children under 5 years with his wife, they live seperately, she with the kids. Their marriage started breaking down after they encountered a serious financial knock after he lost his job, and she was forced to work for the first time in her life, and he thinks that right now there is no hope of getting back with her.

He has found a means to create an income, and sends money to his family, but his fear is that if he files for divorce, she will make very unreasonable financial demands, and he might even lose his kids.

I love him so much, but feel uncertain because he has kept me a secret so far, and he says that he wants me in his life forever, but does not know how to do that. By the way, he injured his back a few days ago, and his wife spent 3 nights at his place to help him out. He asked me not to call at night, and even messages me during the day to say that she is around and I must not call.

I know his marriage issues should not be my problem, but I really love him. HI Joy, Thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. All needs and requirements are valid. They are unique to you, your values, and the experience that you want to create for yourself in this life. Requirements are dealbreakers.

They are non-negotiable for you…meaning if one requirement was not present, the relationship would not work for you. But needs and requirements are related in that they can be gradations of one another. Is this relationship going to work for you? Does he want to remarry? Does he want more kids in the future? Some of your needs and requirements may not be met. I have never dated a married guy before. I have never imagined the universe bringing a separated man in my path.

I met a guy,he has been separated 3 years ago. I do not know if he is getting a divorce? I find my self falling for him because he treats me right, and on the other hand, my self esteem is being attacked for dating a man who is still married.

We have been on a couple of dates, and I have met his brother. He claims to really love me and even making plans with me for the near future. The relation is not up to a month. I love him, or should I say, I think I love love him. I want to ask him out for us to be more clear about his relationship with his wife. I want to see paper work.

The only reason I agreed is because it has been 3 years since he moved on. Should I give this a chance? I need help. I like the fact that he opened up about his status. I am glad I met him but I am confused as hell. Thanks for reaching out. If you are hoping for a long-term relationship with him, knowing where he is with all that will help you decide whether to go into deeper levels of commitment with him and whether he is really ready for a relationship. I embedded some links to more articles that I think would help you think this through.

I hope this helps provide some guidance! Hi Melissa, one of my best friends reached out to me 3. Although they are still living in the same house. I was thinking of talking to him and let him know that we stay friends until he ends things about his divorce.

But trust your intuition on this one. I linked some articles in my response that I think might be helpful. I have been dating this man for roughly 2 months; however, we ended our relationship today due to some troubles that he is having with his divorce. He disclosed on the very first day of meeting that he was married but separated and ready to move on. Now I knew better than to get involved with him because something told me that it was much deeper than that.

A month in a half in we decided to give each other some distance due to the divorce. This weekend we spoke more in-depth about it and he told me that his wife does not want to get a divorce and that she is desperately trying to get back together with him. He has assured me that he will not get back with her because she is having a baby by another man, and although I believe him I do know that he still loves her. I am already involved with him on an emotional, mental and physical level and we both do not want to give up on each other.

We both agreed that it is best to wait, but I am not sure I know how to. I would really enjoy hearing what you think. How do we go about maintain some level of distance yet closeness? Do I give him space? Call on the phone? I also told him that he should get some counseling to work through some of these feelings, and he wants to but I am not sure if he will do it. Hi Bianca, Thanks for reaching out. I have a couple of articles here that might be helpful to you on whether you should wait.

Now What? And to try and have a normal closeness in the relationship while that is going on is not a realistic expectation. If exclusivity is important to you with this man, make your needs known and make sure he is on the same page as you. There is also the risk that he might return to his wife. He may feel guilty about leaving the kids or having them shuffle between two households.

He may realize that the reality of being single is not what he thought it would be. He may go back when he sees how expensive the divorce is going to be, and how much it costs to pay alimony , child support, find another place to live, etc.

Here are some tips to best navigate this situation which can be at times frustrating and complex. There is a world of difference between dating a man who is freshly separated from his wife and one who has moved out, set up his own new place, and is just waiting for the final judgment of his divorce.

The first situation is not ideal, and should you pursue a romance with this man, you need to be aware that there are risks. He could decide to go back to his wife and try again. She could decide the same.

It is likely he is still quite emotionally attached to his ex, and therefore not emotionally available to create a bond with you. He will still be fragile, perhaps angry, and not very present during your times together. He may treat you as a rebound partner.

None of these situations is fair to you, so please look carefully at continuing with a man who has just become separated. You will feel more secure if your new man has been separated for at least six months. Just like dating single men, dating a separated man has inherent risks. While each situation is different, consider the following risks associated with dating a separated man, and protect yourself accordingly:.

Some women are OK with serving as a rebound as long as they get something from the deal, but many women are not. If you think you may be his rebound, take your emotional and physical relationship slow and steady.

You do not want to have an emotionally entangled and confusing relationship in which you feel used at the end. Dating guys with kids: What you need to know Stop obsessing over guys How to play hard to get.